Bad Box Art: Pac-Man for Atari

You want to see something truly horrifying?

What is this? I’m scared to leave my house now. Who in their right mind thought this would be okay? As you can see, Pac-Man now has a full body (he’d get a body later, but it wasn’t as terrifying, and he’s not as lanky as Lanky Kong), and his head is huge. There is no way that neck could handle that flesh boulder. Poor Pac-Man can’t go anywhere because he can’t lift his head up. Imagine going through your whole life with a broken neck. I’d be trying to eat those pellets, too. Maybe they give him a special power to, you know, live. I don’t know why they’re not white. Maybe he’s eating Pringles. And what’s with the buck teeth? Is he a freaking beaver? No, that’s impossible because beavers don’t go around with broken necks, or a look on their face that says, “I’ve seen cats mating, and I’m not okay with it.”

 

The ghosts are wrong, too. Why do they have legs? They’re ghosts! They float. The colors are wrong, too. Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde deserve so much more. It looks like they’re wearing dresses, too. I’m not here to judge; what they do in their spare time is none of my business. But I do have to wonder why the artist likes giving these characters clothes. It’s almost like someone saw the game, then had to draw the cover by memory. Maybe they confused a round body with arms and legs. It happens more often than you would think. Whenever I draw circles, I inexplicably draw a full body. I guess it’s just one my quirks.

 

Are you done being scared? This art will haunt my dreams forever. I developed psychological problems because of this. I now confuse up and down, east and west, and asparagus with orange juice. I have not lived well since I gazed upon this cover. In a way, it is a masterpiece. In the same way your 2-year-old nephew’s picture of coloring outside the lines because he’s a dumb kid is a masterpiece. You know he’s trying, but he’s just not good enough, and he should be shamed for it.

November 10, 2017 |