Super Duper Sumos (Visualization: Bad Box Art)

What do you get when you turn a ridiculously awkward kid’s television show and make it into a Game Boy Advance game?




Well, apparently you get something like this. Honestly, this is hard to even comment on. I mean, look at it. It’s three sumo wrestlers booty clapping their booties…on each others booties. You think that’s enough homoerotic ass-play? It’s bad enough that they’re wearing thongs, or a “sumo wrestler uniform,” but do their butt cheeks hanging out of their thongs have to touch?


I honestly cannot get my head wrapped around this. Am I just too perverted? Am I homophobic? Or am I fantasizing about homosexuals? Should this cover turn me on? Should it turn me off? There are so many confused feelings rushing through my body at this moment. Or maybe, it’s because this cover actually is gay. I’m not homophobic and I don’t judge anyone who’s gay, but come on — this is what everyone imagines that goes on in a gay couple’s bedroom.


But it’s not about the erotic-tension given off by this cover, it’s about who this is marketed to. What’s the rating? E? So, I’m sure it’s safe to say that the target of the game is to pretty much anyone of all ages. But who exactly are the super duper sumos? Well, it was a show on Nickelodeon (that only lasted two seasons). So again, I’m sure it’s safe to say that most programming on Nick is aimed towards boys, especially a show involving fighting, or whatever sumo “wrestling” is actually considered to be. Wait, so you mean this game is marketed toward little boys?!…


Well, there’s nothing else to say. But wait, what’s in the background? Are they in the middle of a street? They’re making love to each others asses in the middle of a neighborhood. The only reason — only reason — this is acceptable is because it’s a cartoon. Parents are fine with this, but I’m sure if me and my buddies clapped our asses together, OH MY GOD, THERE WOULD BE SUCH A RIOT. That’s just unfair. And is it just me, or is this incredibly racist as well? Look at the two in the front, then look at the color of the guy in the background. The white guy and the Japanese guy (I’m assuming) are front and center, but the darker-skinned one is barely visible in the background!


Ah, homoerotic racism at its finest.